Driving Lessons!
by Mex-chick
Summary: In a deranged world were machines rule the roads, one spastic boy will step up to join the growing craze of…driving. However, learning this sacred art requires a certain amount of skills and a good teacher to sharpen them.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: If I did own Gravitation (which I don't) I'd make it more insane.

SUMMARY: (I am ASSUMING Shuichi does not know how to drive…yet.) 

In a deranged world were machines rule the roads, one spastic boy will step up to join the growing craze of…driving. However, learning this sacred art requires a certain amount of _skills_ and a good teacher to sharpen them.

**Rated R** or **M **(same difference) cause of the language  
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**Driving Lessons!**

_**Prologue**_

He remembered it as if it were yesterday. Which was pretty weird since it happened three hours ago.

K's car blew up.

It wasn't that he was surprised that it had. After one year of having K drive him to work, it came as no surprise that an explosion would occur. He was more surprised that K had gotten injured, for it was such a rare event that it only happened once every five hundred years.

In any case, everyone was pretty sure that K had provoked the explosion, although K passionately refused to admit it.

"It's okay K-san. You're among friends. You can admit that you did it."

K punched Shuichi out of the hospital window as quickly as Shuichi had finished his sentence. "You fool! I would never let myself be injured by my creations!" He turned to look at the other two band members, his eyes burning blue flames. "And what are you doing here! You're wasting precious N-G time!" He pulled out a bazooka from under his pillow. "GET TO WORK!" he screamed, blowing Hiro and Suguru out of his room.

When he was sure he was alone, and the doctors had clamed him with tranquilizers, he looked out the window Shuichi had broken with his head. Suddenly, his eyes widened in horror. "Oh no," he said in grief. "Who's gonna take Shuichi to work?"

-

"Hello?"

"WHERE'S SHUICHI!"

"Who the hell is this?"

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS!"

"Maybe he's up your—"

Shuichi took the cordless phone from Yuki's hands and threw it out the window. Yuki looked down at him. "You're paying for that."

"Yuki, who was that?" asked Shuichi hastily, his hands trembling at his sides.

"Who knows?" responded Yuki, patting the sides of his thighs for that damned lighter that always disappeared at the most unfortunate times.

"Yuki! You have to tell me who it was!" cried Shuichi, pulling frantically at the writer's shirt. "What if it was—" Shuichi stopped himself, and the house was silent, something that never happened in the Uesugi residence. Then, one single letter escaped the singer's mouth. "K?"

It had been three days since Shuichi had ceased going to work, and they were the scariest three days of his life. He had thought ditching work would be cool, for then he'd have more time to do what he liked: kiss Yuki, touch Yuki, annoy Yuki, watch Yuki, bone Yuki, bite Yuki, tease Yuki, pinch Yuki's cheeks (the ones on his face); basically anything Yuki related.

But K (although he was still in the hospital) haunted him like a shadow, incessantly sending "reminders" for Shuichi to go to work. The last one managed to turn some of his gorgeous pink locks white, because it was a bomb disguised as a puppy, which he was lovingly holding. "_GO TO WORRRRRRK..."_ it said before it exploded.

"Why don't you just go to work like you're supposed to?" asked an annoyed Yuki, a cigarette dangling dangerously from his lips. Where was that damned lighter!

"But Yuki!" whined the singer, wrapping his trembling arms around the writer's waist. "I'm scared!"

"Of what?" asked Yuki half-mindedly. He shifted his gaze from the furniture, to the TV, to the idiot that made it impossible for him to move, to the floor and back to the furniture. He would make sure the lighter would pay when he found it.

Shuichi buried his face into Yuki's lap. "I knt dreyv."

"Damn it! Get off, you damned punk!" yelled the frustrated blonde, pinching Shuichi's cheeks and stretching them to the sides.

"Sowwwie!" Shuichi apologized, though he still clung to his lover's waist.

They continued to argue like this for five more minutes until Yuki, out of pure frustration, yelled, "WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO FOR YOU TO GET THE FUCK OFF!"

At that Shuichi let go immediately and looked up at him with big, excited violet eyes. Yuki looked down at him angrily, his cheeks flushing in fury and his chest heaving up and down with much needed air. This was the first time Yuki had been angry and actually showing it through simple body gestures. Nonetheless, Shuichi kept on happily looking at him. "Teach me how to drive!"

Yuki stared at Shuichi. "...What?"

His Shuichi senses warned him of trouble if the blonde refused to teach him how to drive, so he had to come up with something that would _make _the blonde accept. "If you don't teach me how to drive..." he began. He knew for sure Yuki would never volunteer to drive him. And he couldn't think of anyone else (who was sane) that could give him a ride to work. Desperate for an alibi, he looked out the window he had broken, looked up at the ceiling he had decorated with spit wads out of boredom and looked to the kitchen where the black stove sat. It was hard for any stranger to tell anything bad had happened to that beautiful black stove.

Except Yuki knew what had happened.

Shuichi had happened.

Because the stove was white before he came along.

As Shuichi looked at all these things caused by his unique self, Yuki followed his gaze, and his eyes widened at every disaster the punk had caused. "I guess I'll have to stay here forever..." finished Shuichi.

"Let me grab my coat."

Shuichi jumped up and down happily before realizing the meaning of Yuki's response. "Hey!"

**End of Prologue**

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So uh…tell me what you think! This is my first attempt at a continuous Gravi story so, be gentle… 

Adios!


	2. Beginners

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.

Thank you for your reviews! I really appreciate it! Except for that anonymous one. Sigh. Whatever happened to constructive criticism, dammit?

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**_Lesson One_  
Beginners**

Unfortunately for Yuki, the Mercedes stationed in the parking lot was the only vehicle available for Shuichi's first driving lesson. To the novelist, it was amazing that a wealthy and famous boy of nineteen had yet to learn how to drive. Nonetheless, if driving got him out of the house for long periods of time…

"Wow Yuki! You're gonna let me drive your Mercedes?" asked Shuichi, awestruck and letting the pretty silver car sink into his violet eyes. "Ahhh! This is so cool! I can't _believe_ you're letting my drive _your_ car! I was gonna tell you we should rent one, but it would probably take longer, y'know? Besides, I don't have insurance! Wait, do you need insurance to rent a car? Do I need insurance to drive _your_ car, huh, Yuki? Cause I don't have insurance. Do I? Dammit Yuki, I don't have car insurance! Can I still drive your car? Huh, Yuki? Yuki? Yuki!"

Yuki stared at him for a long time. "Shut up before I change my mind…" he mumbled before getting into the car.

Shuichi stood outside, wondering what Yuki was doing. "I thought _I _was driving!"

"You are," Yuki assured him, turning on the car. "But if you drive around here, my insurance company will sue me."

He drove into the first vacant lot that came into sight, which happened to be a high school parking lot. Hm…

Yuki turned off the car and got out. "Get in the driver's seat," he ordered.

Shuichi, only now comprehending the situation, silently crawled over to the driver's seat, and sat his rigid body on the warm leather seat.

Yuki got in the passenger's seat and pulled out a cigarette for his nerves. Securely strapping on his seat belt, he quickly prepared himself mentally for what he was about to do. "Okay. Now…step on the break."

Shuichi stared back at him blankly. "What's that...?" he asked shyly.

Yuki sighed and asked Mex-chick, "Why?"

"Look," he began. "That pedal on the left is the break pedal, and that pedal on the right is the gas pedal," he explained, ignoring his ample vocabulary and replacing it with vague words, hoping Shuichi would understand. "The steering wheel is that...wheel. Even _you_ should know what it's used for."

"Hey! I'm not as dumb as you think!" protested Shuichi, gripping the steering wheel with his sweaty fingers.

His sadistic side wanted to say something back, but he thought better of it, deciding to just get this whole thing over with. "Right...now turn the key forward to turn the car on."

Shuichi did as he was told. However, Yuki had failed to inform him it was not wise to keep pushing the key forward, even if it made the car make a cool roaring noise. "Let go! You're killing my engine!" yelled the writer.

"I'm sorry!" screamed Shuichi, immediately letting go of the key as if it burned.

When they settled down, Yuki spoke once again. "Look, if you're going to act like an idiot—"

"No! I'm sorry, Yuki! I won't do that again!" was Shuichi's frantic response to an imaginary question. In his (almost empty) brain, Yuki was about to give up on him because he was an idiot who didn't even know the difference between the gas pedal and the break pedal. "I don't need you to teach me the car parts! I know them all!" he cried maniacally. "I didn't spend hours in the arcade for nothing! Ahahahahahaha!"

And so, Shuichi Shindou shifted into what he thought was **D**, and he and his lover watched some trees grow very small as they drove backwards.

"Waaaahhhhhh!" screamed Shuichi.

"...!" Said Yuki, until he said, "Break!"

Perhaps Mercedes windshields are not known for their strength, for those type of cars are more commonly known to be the favorite of people who like to wipe their asses with Benjamins in front of poor folk, but Eiri Uesugi sure was grateful that Shuichi's head didn't go through said windshield when the idiot put his whole weight on the break, all in one forceful step.

"Not that hard, you idiot!" Yuki screamed after making sure he was still alive. "And put your seat belt on! You wanna die?"

"I'm sorry!" Shuichi apologized, whimpering every time he touched his bleeding nose.

It was then that the blonde noticed a queer taste in his teeth and a strange stench in the stratosphere. The taste tasted a lot like his cigarette, and the smell was that of burned rubber. Again he asked, "Why?"

Spitting out the chewed cigarette, Yuki cursed _moi_ and ran his silky fingers through his equally silky hair. He looked at his lover and stared as the punk hastily tried to wipe off crimson stains from the leather seat. Yuki pretended he didn't see anything and continued with the lesson. "_Gently_ let go of the break, and step _gently_ on the gas pedal."

"Huh? Wha? Oh, right!" was Shuichi's thoughtless response and he pushed his foot on the gas pedal as hard as he could.

"I said _gently_, dammit! GENTLY!"

"Waaaahhhhh!"

To this day, no one knows exactly _when_ the school's marching band set foot on the vacant parking lot, or _how_ they were able to ignore a Mercedes going wild on their premises, but (based on research later done by the blonde) it was certain that the reason the parking lot was empty was because it was to be used by said marching band.

The marchers, dressed in beautiful uniforms of purple and gold, came into view a few seconds before they started to scamper in different directions. Flutes, trumpets, clarinets, drumsticks and other instruments could be seen flying through the air and landing in convenient places for being run over by Mercedes wheels.

Many students managed to escape Shuichi's deranged driving, some by climbing on tables or trees, others by running into the halls or any classroom brave enough to open the door, but others were not so fortunate. "TURN LEFT! TURN LEFT!" screamed Yuki.

"LEFT? LEFT, RIGHT?"

"RIGHT! RIGHT!"

"RIGHT?"

"LEFT!"

"LEFT?"

"RIGHT!"

"I DON'T GET IT!" Shuichi concluded, grabbing his hair and pulling it out.

"DON'T LET GO OF THE FUCKING WHEEL, IDIOT!" Yuki screamed, and grabbed onto the wheel and sharply turned it to the right, narrowly avoiding the screaming and cursing marchers. Now that the marchers were no longer in danger, Yuki focused on the fence that was somehow getting closer and closer to his Mercedes. "Shuichi! Go to the backseat!" he commanded.

Crying, Shuichi did as he was told, and Yuki somehow managed to stop the car without making it roll over and missed the fence by four inches.

After his life stopped flashing through his eyes, Yuki turned to lookto the dumbass that had endangered his Mercedes. "_You_..."

But he couldn't unleash his wrath right now. No. He had to go get his car's interior fixed. The punk's bloodstains were bad enough, but he would not tolerate the sight or smell of urine for long.

**End of Lesson One**

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Sorry! I know this is rushed, but I hate my computer because computers hate me. So, uh...review please! 

Adios!


	3. Car Bills

Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me.

Thanks for your reviews! And I'm sorry if I offended someone. I tend to do it a lot. Unintentionally, of course. I didn't mean ALL anonymous reviews were stupid. I only think any reviews that say a story stinks and don't give a good reason as to their opinion are stupid. What kind of constructive criticism is "El stinko?"

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_**Lesson 2  
**_**Car Bills**

Yuki stared at the bill in his hand.

$ 6,666.66

He was no real believer, but he was sure he'd read about that number 6 in a Christian magazine before (the doctor's waiting room was a very boring place.). He remembered it was something about being the sign of a great evil danger, of a great evil beast.

Shuichi screamed a great evil, "Graaaaghhh!"

Yuki looked at the numbers and then at Shuichi. He had found the beast.

"Yuki! I cut my finger again!" screamed the hyper singer, grabbing the offended finger with his other hand and holding it up so Yuki could see.

Yuki frowned. "What'd I tell you about trying to cook?"

Shuichi's shoulders slumped down, as did his head. He refused to make eye contact. "...Don't."

"Idiot."

"I just wanted to make it up to you for ruining the interior or your car!" he assured the writer, still refusing to meet his lover's golden gaze.

Yuki looked back to the bill with the cursed numbers. "Omigawd! You're hot! Wait! Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" he remembered a girl working at the dealer's shop say. However, pretending not to understand a word that was coming out of her mouth made everyone believe he was a foreigner, hence the dollar sign in front of the number. And no matter how hot he was, he still couldn't get a discount. He looked to the singer. "Why don't you make it up by paying this bill instead?"

At that, Shuichi's face lit up. "Really! All I have to do is pay off your bill!" he yelled with excited violet eyes.

"Sure."

Shuichi did a happy dance and yanked the bill off of Yuki's hand, as if afraid he'd change his mind. But one look at the number on the bill made his excited violet eyes widen in horror. "WHAT?" He stared for five more minutes, and then he repeated his previous statement. "WHAT?"

"Only the best for my baby," said Yuki dully.

For reasons unknown, Shuichi thought his blonde lover was talking about him. "Oh, Yuki...!" he sighed. Oh, the joy! How long had he waited for Yuki to complement him? Too long, he decided. However, just as he felt his feet lift from the ground to touch the heavens and thank God for the wonderful gift, Yuki, like a beautiful angel from hell, cocked an eyebrow at him and crushed his happiness by saying, "I was talking about the car, dumbass."

"Yuki! Why must you destroy my happiness!"

"Are you going to pay the bill or not?"

Shuichi shoulder's slumped. "Yeah...if you forgive me." Suddenly, he smiled, very, very brightly. So brightly actually, that Yuki had to put on his sunglasses. "Hey Yuki...!" he cooed.

Oh no. He was going to ask for something.

"You're still going to give me driving lessons, right?"

Yuki looked at him and snorted. "Are you insane! You almost killed us on your _first_ lesson!"

"But you promised!" screamed the pink-haired annoyance.

"Where's the contract?"

"Dammit Yuki! You're such an asshole!" cried Shuichi, wanting to punch the blonde in front of him, but finding little will to do it.

"You know damn well _you're_ the ass hole, asshole."

Shuichi blushed. "Fine! I guess I'll have to take up cooking if I never go to work again," he said, and started a quest to find an apron.

"If you can find another car to drive, we'll continue the lesson," said Yuki quickly, fearing his kitchen would soon end up on the dark side. Literally.

"Yes! Don't worry about a thing Yuki! I'll find a car and we'll soon be leading a life on the road!" Yuki shoved the bill in his hands. "As soon as I finish paying this bill!" declared the hyper teenager, and he ran away to finish his mission.

-

It was a very strange, and perhaps a very rare thing that he only had enough money on his bank account to cover the bill, leave one hundred behind so his account wouldn't close, and take the remaining one thousand to go buy a car. Stupid American currency!

He was going to call up his good, redheaded friend, Hiro, to help him buy his future car, but he figured that Hiro wouldn't know a thing about it, since he owned a motorcycle. After figuring out that Hiro was the only reliable friend he had, he set out to find his ride on his own. _'How hard can it be?_' he thought.

It turned out to be very hard, because most of the good cars were well over one thousand yen. "Dammit! Will I never find a car for ONE THOUSAND YEN!"

"Hey, kid."

Shuichi turned around and saw a guy's head popping out of a dark alley. "You talking to me?"

"Yeah."

"_You_ talking to _me_?" asked the singer.

"...Yeah."

"Well, I don't see nobody else around here."

"Look kid, do you want the car or not?"

"Oh goody! You've got a car for me!" cried Shuichi excitedly.

"Yeah. Come with me," said the stranger, and he disappeared into the dark alley.

Shuichi watched the man disappear, and wondered for a moment whether he was a magician or not. He looked to his right, where the road was clean, the lawn was cut, and a huge rainbow stretched across the sky, and it looked dreamy against the sky blue canvas, and right in the corner of his eye, he could see the sun shining brightly. He then turned to look back in front of him where the path was dark and scary, the smell was horrible and a thunderstorm decided to loom over the particularly evil-looking dark alley. It didn't take a genius to figure out which path to take. "Wait for me mister!" he screamed, running to catch up to the stranger his mother had told him never to talk to.

-

"You got the money?" the stranger asked.

"You got the goods?" countered Shuichi, keeping a good eye on him.

"Yeah, yeah. See that car right over there?" he asked, pointing to a car that was very far away.

"You mean that one that's mysteriously covered in that cloth...thing?"

"That's the one."

"You tryin' to sell me _that_ car?" he asked.

"Uh...yeah," responded the man with a low voice, as if suddenly becoming very frightened.

"_That car!_" Shuichi passionately asked.

"Well...yeah." whispered the man. Damn. He didn't think he'd need his heat to sucker this one out of his money.

"Oh! Then that's great! I'll take it!" he laughed, giving him a friendly slap on his back

The man sighed, and wondered if the boy was really as old as he looked (17).

"How much?" asked Shuichi.

"How much you got?"

"I've got one thousand yen!"

"Then it's one thousand yen."

"Wow! Really? What a coincidence! That's _exactly_ the amount I have right now!" laughed the singer.

At this point, the man was wondering if it was right of him to take away the money of a mentally disabled kid, but figured that money was money, no matter how deranged the holder of it was. He gave the pink-haired kid the keys to his new ride and walked away, wondering if he would be cursed for taking advantage of crazy people.

-

Shuichi jumped around happily for five minutes around his new car before he took of the car cover to reveal...a very old, smelly, rusty and ugly car.

"What the hell, man! This isn't a car! This is a trash can with wheels!" When he figured out that the man was long gone, Shuichi cursed his luck and kicked his car, making the passenger door fall off. "Stupid car! Stupid world! Stupid idiot bent on ruling the world!"

Somewhere in Washington D.C., President Bush sneezed.

-

It was about eight o'clock at night when he heard Shuichi come, but when he first heard the terrible screeching noise outside, he didn't know it was he. When the noise had gotten too much to handle, Yuki got up from his comfortable place in the couch and pulled back the curtain to see what the hell was making that annoying noise.

He should have guessed it was Shuichi, who had seemingly pushed a pile of junk onto the lawn he had just mowed that morning. He sighed. Life really did suck, and then you died.

**End of Lesson Two**

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Sorry people! This one was done really, really fast. I guess you could say I pulled this one out of my ass. Anyway, review please! Give me feedback!

Adios!


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